glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
