I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
