I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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