So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
