Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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