Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
