I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dick very happy bro
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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