looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
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No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
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Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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