he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
