I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
