Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
