and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
