i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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