I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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