i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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