I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
