And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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