The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
