I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
