I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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