garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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