She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
When are your genitals available?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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