oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
