its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
