I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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