i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
im six kinds of drunk right now
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
