yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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