But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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