did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Randomize
