so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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