Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
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idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
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Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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