your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
