I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
