Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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