i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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