she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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