There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
