he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
