Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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