I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
