Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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