I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
