First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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