I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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