I feel great
I just peed on a car
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So much rum. So many feels.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
