It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Shame is for Republicans.
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