Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
