she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you traded sex for a burrito?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
