i jhust puked up my retainher.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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