At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
