just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
