fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
