omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
