I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
