Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
