i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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