i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
