it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
