He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
