halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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