I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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