I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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