he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There's always time for handjobs
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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