I only kidnapped one of them. chill
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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