Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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