He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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