you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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