he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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