Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
