so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
