i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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