So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
