Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
