I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
