What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
