I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He shit in the fireplace
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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